A couple weeks ago I returned to work, and it’s been bittersweet. We were definitely in need of the income, but E just wasn’t ready. When I dropped her off at daycare that first day, every bit of emotion left her body. She stared with a blank look in her eye, and wouldn’t respond to anything I said to her. She wouldn’t hug or kiss me goodbye, and only slightly waved at the insistence of the day care staff member. That night Ryan picked her up and he said she was very weird and didn’t go to him right away. After he called her over, she did but with a very confused look on her face.
It was so hard to talk to her that night without feeling incredibly guilty. She was all choked up, and actually started stuttering (which she’s never done!). She kept asking if we are still a family ... and if I was her mamí ... and if Ryan was her papá ... if the puppies were hers … etc. It went on for a really long time, and took a lot of reassurance before she was able to finally go to bed. That night she was up 4 times, running into our room to make sure we were still there.
I’ve only returned a few days a week, so she isn’t away from us that often, but every day there has had to be a lot of reassurance! Even this morning (3 weeks into it), she was begging me to stay home with her.
I have my thoughts on what she’s thinking, and I’m pretty sure I’m dead on with some of them. I just hate that she’s so confused. I hate that she thinks she might not be a part of the family because she has to go to daycare. I hate that she hates it when we (particularly me) go away.
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