An Incredible Journey Home: Attachment Dance

Healthy Attachment with any child is crucial. But with adoption, you have to really prepare yourselves going into it. You have to be proactive. Often times you have to try and make up for years of unhealthy attachment with multiple caregivers.

When E came home last year we were very intentional about our cocooning and our Attachment efforts. We created very strict boundaries with friends and family so that she would start to form a healthy attachment to us. Her parents. Her only 2 caregivers. Her Forever Family.

We've come a long way. There were behaviors in the beginning that really worried us. Most of those behaviors have subsided. Some, we're still working on.

We really stressed "Family" from the beginning. This is our "Family". We only kiss "Family". We only hug "Family". Only "Family" can carry us. You can only hold hands with "Family".

That really worked well in the beginning to keep her from running up to people and try to hug/kiss/hand-hold etc.

Now that our Attachment as a Forever Family is pretty secure, and her language is starting to develop, things are changing. We recently went on vacation with Ryan's family to Mexico. We had to re-explain "Family" to E. She was confused, "This my family too?"

Yes, this is your family. But, we only kiss mamí and daddy. You can hug grandma and grandpa, and Aunt Heather and Uncle Eric, and Ezra. "I can??"

As important as it is to set boundaries, and emphasize family, it's equally important to know when to broaden the definition. Grandmas and Grandpas are family too. And aunts and uncles. And cousins.

Having boundaries is still just as important. But she was ready. She has a mostly secure Attachment to us, and understands that this family is FOREVER. But our family does include grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins ...