Lightening Strikes .... Again

According to David J. Hand, author of The Improbability Principle, the odds of getting struck by lightening are 300,000 to one. And they say, getting struck twice is nearly impossible.

But I feel like it's happened to us. We've been struck by lightening. Twice.

Earlier this week we found out that the day after birth father went to the Embassy for a DNA test and final interview, that he returned to S's orphanage to take him.

We were literally on the final lap for approval to finally bring him home.

This news hit us like a ton of bricks. Having a failed adoption isn't new to us.

Losing a son ... isn't new to us.

But how? How could this happen again?? We have been FIGHTING so hard for nearly a decade to build our family and to offer a home to a parentless child.

We are good people, who try to do good things and help others in any way that we can.

Why do we deserve this heartbreak?

What's worse is having to tell Emilia that the Brother we have been fighting for will not be coming home.

She's confused. Angry.

"But we just did that long day for doctors."

"We did all those papers."

"Is it because he doesn't want me for his sister?"

Baby girl. You are perfect and precious. The system is flawed. Children deserve to be in families.

Losing him and losing Akyl makes me angry on so many levels. And I realize how selfish it might seem. My loss is nothing compared to the loss they had to endure.

OBVIOUSLY the best case scenario is for children to remain in their birth families. With their mom and dad! Obviously.

But for so many reasons, many children are left parentless. Many children waste away in orphanages with sub-par care. And even if they are in one of the "good" orphanages ... it's not a family. It's not a mom and dad. That life is unimaginable for most people. It is quite horrifying when you really know how they live.

Adoption does not happen without loss first.

It is our greatest hope that S's father returned to bring him home for all of the right reasons. What kills me is that he had to spend the last three years in an orphanage withOUT a family. Without a father.

The system is flawed. Why isn't someone helping dad find the means to keep his children and to take care of them properly?

This is a huge loss for us. And for Emilia.

At the same time, I can't even imagine how birth father must have been feeling. My heart was hurting for him knowing that he would have to take a DNA test and be interviewed one last time. We asked that they be sure he knew we loved S immensely and would do our very best to care for him and to love him. We asked that they be sure he knew that we were open to sharing updates about S, knowing that it would be heartbreaking for father to lose him.

I don't blame father. How can you blame a father for wanting to be able to take care of his son? You don't.

It doesn't make the hurt any less for us though. Our grief is indescribable. The sadness penetrates everything.