We are so grateful for the support that we have received in the last week from you all. We feel very blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful people. Sunday, great friends of ours came over, cooked a fabulous dinner, and stayed for hours talking and playing card games with us. While we were initially unsure of having company, it was exactly what we needed. Thank you C & D!
We're still chuggin' along trying to figure out how to make it out at the other end of this mess. Even making dinner is difficult. The other day we had chinese food, and our fortunes read: "Turbulence is a life force. It is opportunity. Let's love turbulence and use it for change." and "Watch out for emergencies. They are your big chance." I'm not sure how to take these. Is it a sign? Usually our fortunes are so silly and we disregard them immediately. These are taped to our refrigerator. What does it all mean?
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
February 7, 2012
Sometimes dreams don’t come true.
We’ve spent the last four years fighting to be able to provide Akyl a family and a loving home. I haven’t fought harder for anything else in my whole life. I never knew I could love someone I barely knew so deeply. Our love for Akyl has only grown stronger and deeper over the last four years. There hasn’t been a one second in the last 1,500 days that we haven’t thought about him, and imagined him here with us. We never once thought of giving up on him, we were the only people in the world that wanted so desperately to provide for him. And let me tell you, it’s incredibly hard to provide for your child half a world away. We often felt like we weren’t doing enough. We’ve had to watch him grow from a tiny three-month old baby, into a beautiful young toddler through pictures, second-hand stories, and most recently, through Skype calls. We were blessed to be able to Skype with him a few times last spring. On our first call he was a little nervous. He just sat in a little chair across from the computer and kept eating the cookies that he was given. On the following calls he had friends with him, and he was an energetic, silly little boy. We loved watching him interact with the other kids. He even discovered the microphone and thought it was hilarious to say “Privyet!” a thousand times over and over. Of course we encouraged it!
On June 24, 2008, we were matched with our Akyl. It was love at first sight. We knew before even opening the attached medical forms and additional information that he was our son. I had seen him in my dreams and couldn’t believe that my dreams were actually coming true. We were told by our agency that we should be able to bring him home in the fall. We were so elated!
In the fall we were told, “In a couple weeks.” In a couple weeks, we were told, “In a few more weeks.” In a few more weeks we were told, “In a couple months.” By then it was early 2009, and in February, the Kyrgyzstan government put a one year moratorium on inter-country adoptions. We would have to wait a year to be able to bring our boy home. I traveled to Kyrgyzstan in March for Akyl’s first birthday. We decided that a first birthday is important, and he deserved to have someone there to celebrate.
2009 turned into 2010, and 2010 into 2011. We never wavered in our dedication to getting him home. In late 2011 Kyrgyzstan finally passed a new Family Code that allowed for inter-country adoption to resume. Our agencies had to reapply for accreditation, and once they were accredited it was game on. In January, one agency was accredited, and the race was on to get our paperwork together for the new agency and to begin compiling our dossier (for the 4th time). Over the years Kyrgyzstan has promised us to make every attempt in legally re-matching us to our children. I applied to the new agency and got the necessary paperwork together in order to get started. I threw together our dossier in about a week and was just waiting on one document from immigration before sending it to Kyrgyzstan. In the weeks leading up to CWA’s accreditation, several families learned that their children had been adopted domestically in Kyrgyzstan. This was a huge blow, especially after all this time, for the kids to be adopted domestically right when we are finally able to submit our dossiers and go get them. I was devastated. While we were celebrating the chance to finally move forward, some of our dearest friends were mourning the loss of their children. By this time, the number was up to twenty. 20 children had been adopted domestically in one month. 20 children, who have had families in America all this time.
We had been waiting for weeks for CWA to officially verify Akyl’s status. They told us it was difficult because Kyrgyzstan doesn’t want to give information about specific children until paperwork is filed in country, but the families didn’t want to file paperwork unless they knew their child was going to be able to be re-matched to them. On Monday, I finally got an email that said they were able to verify Akyl’s status and he is indeed available for inter-country adoption. You can imagine how relieved I was. Best news so far – we couldn’t wait to go and get him!
Then Tuesday I got a phone call. It was the phone call we have all been dreading since we learned that so many children were being adopted domestically. I was told that Akyl’s relatives have been visiting him during the suspension and have decided to take him in. I was dumbfounded. You just told me yesterday all was good and it was a go. What do you mean?? Are you sure you called the right person? This must be a mistake…
Tuesday, February 7, 2012 turned out to be the worst day of our lives. We’ve lost him. To say that we are devastated would be an understatement. I have not been able to take in a full breath since that phone call. I feel completely empty. Where is he? How is he being treated? Who came for him? WHERE IS HE?
I can’t breathe.
How can this happen? Where is he? Can he feel my heart breaking? I was told by a friend that Ryan and I are some of the most dedicated parents they knew. Are we? Did we do everything possible in our power?
We failed to protect him.
We failed to keep him safe.
I can’t breathe.
Another friend reminded us that he was loved for all this time, and for some orphans they never know what true love is. Did he feel our love from 7,000 miles away? Or did we just convince ourselves of that in order to cope with the painful wait?
In the last couple days I have been able to connect with a friend in Kyrgyzstan. Akyl is still in the orphanage. He hasn’t been taken in by anyone yet. The Kyrgyz government has issued an order to the police department to find relatives and birth families for our orphaned children. They are making every attempt to have them take the children into their homes. I don’t understand why this is happening now. Why not two years ago? Why did the children need to suffer in an institution all this time?
We don’t know what to do. We don’t know how to cope. We don’t know how to imagine our lives without him. We don’t know if we are happy that he is being taken in by relatives. Will they love him as much as we do? Will they do everything in their power to keep him safe and provide the best life for him?
I can’t breathe.
Sometimes dreams don’t come true.
We’ve spent the last four years fighting to be able to provide Akyl a family and a loving home. I haven’t fought harder for anything else in my whole life. I never knew I could love someone I barely knew so deeply. Our love for Akyl has only grown stronger and deeper over the last four years. There hasn’t been a one second in the last 1,500 days that we haven’t thought about him, and imagined him here with us. We never once thought of giving up on him, we were the only people in the world that wanted so desperately to provide for him. And let me tell you, it’s incredibly hard to provide for your child half a world away. We often felt like we weren’t doing enough. We’ve had to watch him grow from a tiny three-month old baby, into a beautiful young toddler through pictures, second-hand stories, and most recently, through Skype calls. We were blessed to be able to Skype with him a few times last spring. On our first call he was a little nervous. He just sat in a little chair across from the computer and kept eating the cookies that he was given. On the following calls he had friends with him, and he was an energetic, silly little boy. We loved watching him interact with the other kids. He even discovered the microphone and thought it was hilarious to say “Privyet!” a thousand times over and over. Of course we encouraged it!
On June 24, 2008, we were matched with our Akyl. It was love at first sight. We knew before even opening the attached medical forms and additional information that he was our son. I had seen him in my dreams and couldn’t believe that my dreams were actually coming true. We were told by our agency that we should be able to bring him home in the fall. We were so elated!
In the fall we were told, “In a couple weeks.” In a couple weeks, we were told, “In a few more weeks.” In a few more weeks we were told, “In a couple months.” By then it was early 2009, and in February, the Kyrgyzstan government put a one year moratorium on inter-country adoptions. We would have to wait a year to be able to bring our boy home. I traveled to Kyrgyzstan in March for Akyl’s first birthday. We decided that a first birthday is important, and he deserved to have someone there to celebrate.
2009 turned into 2010, and 2010 into 2011. We never wavered in our dedication to getting him home. In late 2011 Kyrgyzstan finally passed a new Family Code that allowed for inter-country adoption to resume. Our agencies had to reapply for accreditation, and once they were accredited it was game on. In January, one agency was accredited, and the race was on to get our paperwork together for the new agency and to begin compiling our dossier (for the 4th time). Over the years Kyrgyzstan has promised us to make every attempt in legally re-matching us to our children. I applied to the new agency and got the necessary paperwork together in order to get started. I threw together our dossier in about a week and was just waiting on one document from immigration before sending it to Kyrgyzstan. In the weeks leading up to CWA’s accreditation, several families learned that their children had been adopted domestically in Kyrgyzstan. This was a huge blow, especially after all this time, for the kids to be adopted domestically right when we are finally able to submit our dossiers and go get them. I was devastated. While we were celebrating the chance to finally move forward, some of our dearest friends were mourning the loss of their children. By this time, the number was up to twenty. 20 children had been adopted domestically in one month. 20 children, who have had families in America all this time.
We had been waiting for weeks for CWA to officially verify Akyl’s status. They told us it was difficult because Kyrgyzstan doesn’t want to give information about specific children until paperwork is filed in country, but the families didn’t want to file paperwork unless they knew their child was going to be able to be re-matched to them. On Monday, I finally got an email that said they were able to verify Akyl’s status and he is indeed available for inter-country adoption. You can imagine how relieved I was. Best news so far – we couldn’t wait to go and get him!
Then Tuesday I got a phone call. It was the phone call we have all been dreading since we learned that so many children were being adopted domestically. I was told that Akyl’s relatives have been visiting him during the suspension and have decided to take him in. I was dumbfounded. You just told me yesterday all was good and it was a go. What do you mean?? Are you sure you called the right person? This must be a mistake…
Tuesday, February 7, 2012 turned out to be the worst day of our lives. We’ve lost him. To say that we are devastated would be an understatement. I have not been able to take in a full breath since that phone call. I feel completely empty. Where is he? How is he being treated? Who came for him? WHERE IS HE?
I can’t breathe.
How can this happen? Where is he? Can he feel my heart breaking? I was told by a friend that Ryan and I are some of the most dedicated parents they knew. Are we? Did we do everything possible in our power?
We failed to protect him.
We failed to keep him safe.
I can’t breathe.
Another friend reminded us that he was loved for all this time, and for some orphans they never know what true love is. Did he feel our love from 7,000 miles away? Or did we just convince ourselves of that in order to cope with the painful wait?
In the last couple days I have been able to connect with a friend in Kyrgyzstan. Akyl is still in the orphanage. He hasn’t been taken in by anyone yet. The Kyrgyz government has issued an order to the police department to find relatives and birth families for our orphaned children. They are making every attempt to have them take the children into their homes. I don’t understand why this is happening now. Why not two years ago? Why did the children need to suffer in an institution all this time?
We don’t know what to do. We don’t know how to cope. We don’t know how to imagine our lives without him. We don’t know if we are happy that he is being taken in by relatives. Will they love him as much as we do? Will they do everything in their power to keep him safe and provide the best life for him?
I can’t breathe.
Sometimes dreams don’t come true.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
2012
The end of the year went by in a flash. We spent Thanksgiving at home and volunteered for the annual Turkey Trot to benefit Ryan’s Boys & Girls Club. Christmas came and went just as fast. I had school and finals right up until the 23rd and then we traveled home to Kenosha to visit with family for the holiday. Ryan was also busy finishing his MBA degree and presenting his Integrated Research Paper. Lucky for him, he’s all done with school!! I’m still plugging away :)
Earlier this month Kyrgyzstan finally accredited one agency and it is now legal for them to do inter-country adoptions. Our original placement agency, Adoption Alliance, informed us in December that they were closing their business and we were on our own. They dumped us right before accreditation. The AA adoptive families are all pretty close, and I was lucky to have them to get through the last couple of months. We now have the opportunity to sign on with CWA, the agency that has been accredited. Unfortunately, this means we have to re-pay agency and international fees (we did NOT get a refund of our fees from Adoption Alliance).
With this good news also comes some really sad, heartbreaking news. In the last few weeks, many families have lost their children to Kyrgyz domestic adoption. All of a sudden there is a big push for domestic adoption and many of the waiting families have been affected by this. While I understand that it is best for children to be in families rather than in an institution, I just think the timing sucks! Why wasn’t there a push two years ago? Three years ago? Why now? It just seems so unfair. After four long years of waiting, we are finally getting the chance to move forward only to get a kick in the gut. After such a long fight for our children, at the last minute the children are ripped from us. It is devastating. We have held these children in our hearts and they have been part of our families for all these years and now that it’s legal, these families won’t be able to bring them home.
At this point, Akyl is still waiting for us to come and get him. It’s so hard to describe the feeling I have though, knowing that any day we could also be getting that devastating phone call. How would we survive? Ryan and I have been practicing the power of positive thinking. We are envisioning him home with us. We continue to talk about him and talk about the funny things he’ll do when he gets here. We talk about him taking soccer on Saturdays at the YMCA. We have play dates planned. We are going to continue to maintain this positive thought energy.
That being said, we have to start all over with our paperwork. We sent in the CWA agency fee and application about two weeks ago. We have spent the last week compiling our dossier (international paperwork) that needs to go to Kyrgyzstan to officially register us. At that point, they can re-instate our referral to Akyl and it will be legal. We don’t know exactly what the process will look like, but we should be able to travel really soon. It’s going to take a minimum of two trips to get him home (or one long trip, possible 45 days). I don’t know how if I will be able to go there for the first trip and leave, especially after everything that has happened in the last month. Problem is, I don’t know if I have a choice. Starting over also means repaying all those fees again. We may not have the financial security to be able to pull off one long trip. Everything is so uncertain and that’s a really scary feeling. It’s hard not to be in control. Right now we’re doing what we can and praying everything will work out.
Please continue to keep Akyl and the other waiting children in your prayers. Help us with the positive energy and visions of him being home with us, playing with his cousins and chihuahuas. Post your visions, we’d love to read them. Hopefully we will have more news to share soon!
Earlier this month Kyrgyzstan finally accredited one agency and it is now legal for them to do inter-country adoptions. Our original placement agency, Adoption Alliance, informed us in December that they were closing their business and we were on our own. They dumped us right before accreditation. The AA adoptive families are all pretty close, and I was lucky to have them to get through the last couple of months. We now have the opportunity to sign on with CWA, the agency that has been accredited. Unfortunately, this means we have to re-pay agency and international fees (we did NOT get a refund of our fees from Adoption Alliance).
With this good news also comes some really sad, heartbreaking news. In the last few weeks, many families have lost their children to Kyrgyz domestic adoption. All of a sudden there is a big push for domestic adoption and many of the waiting families have been affected by this. While I understand that it is best for children to be in families rather than in an institution, I just think the timing sucks! Why wasn’t there a push two years ago? Three years ago? Why now? It just seems so unfair. After four long years of waiting, we are finally getting the chance to move forward only to get a kick in the gut. After such a long fight for our children, at the last minute the children are ripped from us. It is devastating. We have held these children in our hearts and they have been part of our families for all these years and now that it’s legal, these families won’t be able to bring them home.
At this point, Akyl is still waiting for us to come and get him. It’s so hard to describe the feeling I have though, knowing that any day we could also be getting that devastating phone call. How would we survive? Ryan and I have been practicing the power of positive thinking. We are envisioning him home with us. We continue to talk about him and talk about the funny things he’ll do when he gets here. We talk about him taking soccer on Saturdays at the YMCA. We have play dates planned. We are going to continue to maintain this positive thought energy.
That being said, we have to start all over with our paperwork. We sent in the CWA agency fee and application about two weeks ago. We have spent the last week compiling our dossier (international paperwork) that needs to go to Kyrgyzstan to officially register us. At that point, they can re-instate our referral to Akyl and it will be legal. We don’t know exactly what the process will look like, but we should be able to travel really soon. It’s going to take a minimum of two trips to get him home (or one long trip, possible 45 days). I don’t know how if I will be able to go there for the first trip and leave, especially after everything that has happened in the last month. Problem is, I don’t know if I have a choice. Starting over also means repaying all those fees again. We may not have the financial security to be able to pull off one long trip. Everything is so uncertain and that’s a really scary feeling. It’s hard not to be in control. Right now we’re doing what we can and praying everything will work out.
Please continue to keep Akyl and the other waiting children in your prayers. Help us with the positive energy and visions of him being home with us, playing with his cousins and chihuahuas. Post your visions, we’d love to read them. Hopefully we will have more news to share soon!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Orphan Sunday
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
No news...
No news is good news right? Well ... it's not bad news, and that is good! Kyrgyzstan held elections on October 30th and former Prime Minister Almazbek Atambaev won with 62% vote. This is a good thing considering there were 16 candidates. Hopefully things will continue to progress and Kyrgyzstan can maintain peace.
The Kyrgyz government has also put a deadline on when they will decide what US agencies will be accredited - December 20th. At this point we are just waiting to know what the next steps are. Since we don't know if our agency will be accredited we are just waiting, again. The waiting never gets any better or any easier.
Akyl is being moved to the Belovodsk orphanage this month. The Bishkek Baby House is running out of room and since the kids officially 'age-out' at four anyways, they are making room for the new babies coming in. This move was very hard for us to take. Many of the children who have been moved in the last few months have deteriorated in health. The orphanage itself is actually pretty decent. When I traveled in 2009 I visited the children at that orphanage and the caregivers were very sweet and very affectionate towards the children. I don't necessarily think that the actually move itself is all that bad, just the fact he is being removed from the only home he's ever known, and being put in a completely new place. I'm so afraid for him to be scared! He is going with other children that he knows, so that's comforting. I also had a conversation with my sister-in-law the other day and she reminded me that at this point he's old enough to somewhat understand what’s going on and they can talk to him and explain that he's moving to a new home ... but will someone tell him??? Whose job is that? Does anyone take the responsibility of breaking the news to the children that they have to move and live in a different orphanage?
Please keep him and the four other waiting children in your thoughts and prayers as they make this transition.
The Kyrgyz government has also put a deadline on when they will decide what US agencies will be accredited - December 20th. At this point we are just waiting to know what the next steps are. Since we don't know if our agency will be accredited we are just waiting, again. The waiting never gets any better or any easier.
Akyl is being moved to the Belovodsk orphanage this month. The Bishkek Baby House is running out of room and since the kids officially 'age-out' at four anyways, they are making room for the new babies coming in. This move was very hard for us to take. Many of the children who have been moved in the last few months have deteriorated in health. The orphanage itself is actually pretty decent. When I traveled in 2009 I visited the children at that orphanage and the caregivers were very sweet and very affectionate towards the children. I don't necessarily think that the actually move itself is all that bad, just the fact he is being removed from the only home he's ever known, and being put in a completely new place. I'm so afraid for him to be scared! He is going with other children that he knows, so that's comforting. I also had a conversation with my sister-in-law the other day and she reminded me that at this point he's old enough to somewhat understand what’s going on and they can talk to him and explain that he's moving to a new home ... but will someone tell him??? Whose job is that? Does anyone take the responsibility of breaking the news to the children that they have to move and live in a different orphanage?
Please keep him and the four other waiting children in your thoughts and prayers as they make this transition.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
5 Year Anniversary
Today we celebrate being married 5 years! A lot has happened since 2006, but we're still chuggin' along. The traditional gift for a 5 year wedding anniversary is wood, to symbolize the strength in your relationship. I had big plans ... I went to the local nursery and picked out a snow crab apple tree and was going to have them bring it home and plant it, a surprise of course. We have been talking about planting a tree in our new house, and I thought this would be a perfect opportunity. We have also wanted to start a new prayer tree here, and the trees that came with the house are super big and mature, we can't even reach the branches! Unfortunately, the location where I wanted to put it didn't work out so well, so I had to spill the beans to Ryan and get his opinion on placement. After talking it through, we decided that right now it is an expense we cannot afford. But it was a good idea, right??
Here are some pictures from our wedding. We anticipated a beautiful fall day in the bluffs of La Crosse, WI for our outdoor wedding. To our surprise, it was 30 degrees and had flurries! We've had many comment over the years about how they'll never forget our wedding - I bet it's because they were sitting outside freezing their butts off!
Here are some pictures from our wedding. We anticipated a beautiful fall day in the bluffs of La Crosse, WI for our outdoor wedding. To our surprise, it was 30 degrees and had flurries! We've had many comment over the years about how they'll never forget our wedding - I bet it's because they were sitting outside freezing their butts off!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
What happened to September?
Yeesh – I can’t believe it’s already the second week in October. Where did September go? Ah yes, the start of a new school semester. This semester I am taking 13 credits, while trying to continue to work at least 20 hours per week. Who said this was going to be easy? Ryan is also in a finance class that pretty much consumes all of his free time, in addition to working on his thesis which needs to be done by December in order to graduate. Ah, graduation. It’s nice to have that to look forward to. Unfortunately I still have a couple of years, but I am well on my way. In the coming months I will have to take my Praxis Exam in order to apply to the School of Education. After spring semester at UW-FdL, I will have an Associate’s Degree with an emphasis in elementary education.
On the adoption front, we don’t have any solid news, but things are happening … so stay tuned!! I had a dream last night that I was walking around holding Akyl and he had his arms wrapped around my neck. I told him I loved him and he said he loved me to. Then I asked in surprise, “You do??” He just hugged me even harder. I can’t wait until we can do that every single day.
Here’s the most recent picture of our little man. While it’s so hard to get these pictures because it means he’s not here, I’m so glad he’s at least having fun ... and he's rockin' the Care Bears t-shirt!
On the adoption front, we don’t have any solid news, but things are happening … so stay tuned!! I had a dream last night that I was walking around holding Akyl and he had his arms wrapped around my neck. I told him I loved him and he said he loved me to. Then I asked in surprise, “You do??” He just hugged me even harder. I can’t wait until we can do that every single day.
Here’s the most recent picture of our little man. While it’s so hard to get these pictures because it means he’s not here, I’m so glad he’s at least having fun ... and he's rockin' the Care Bears t-shirt!Saturday, September 10, 2011
2,100 miles
It’s been a long time since we’ve been on a vacation. This summer we decided that after we were done with our summer classes and before fall school started, that we would take a road trip to Colorado and spend a week hiking in the Rocky Mountain National Park. We left at 1:00 on Tuesday and drove straight through. We thought we would be smart and save money …. but we arrived at the national park at 6:30 a.m.! We stopped at a nice little café and had breakfast while enjoying the view of the mountains. We settled in for camp at the Moraine Park campsite, then we took a drive up the scenic bi-way to check out Rocky Mountain National Park. It was such a breathtaking view. There were several times when I couldn't even look out the window because I would be looking straight down the side of a mountain 11,000 feet up! It was amazing!
On day two we loaded up our backpacks and headed for the North Inlet Trailhead. Our plan was to hike/camp for 5 days and 4 nights. Everything we needed was in those packs, and boy were they heavy!
It was an awesome trip! We hiked up and down mountains all day and settled into camp each night. Every day at about 5:00 it rained. We were lucky enough to be in camp and have our tent set up. We went in our tent and took naps and read our books while we waited for the rain to pass. Each night we shared a package of a dehydrated meal and had tea. Our days were simple, and it was such a good feeling. Life has been super hectic and crazy for us for the last three years. It was so nice to just be in nature, do what you gotta do, and not worry about much else. I never would have said that I would be the kind of person to enjoy something like this, but I really, truly did. We're already planning our next trip. Where will we go next??
Sunday, August 14, 2011
International Children's Day - June 1, 2011
In Kyrgyzstan
Author: Erica Marat
June 1, 2011
Children's souls in the "social nature reserves" in Kyrgyzstan Last weekend in a suburb of Washington was celebrated days of the Kyrgyz culture. Festival was organized by American families who have adopted children from Kyrgyzstan. Children from three to thirteen played in the Kyrgyz national games, eating traditional food and listen to performances of artists from Kyrgyzstan. Were on holiday and those American families who are already over 2.5 years can not bring their adopted children from Kyrgyzstan, because in February 2009 in the country was suspended international adoptions. During this time, out of 65 adopted children, two umerliot disease, and the rest significantly lagging behind their peers in the U.S.
I have met with some of the waiting families in the U.S.. Such affection and devotion to adopted children has become for me a revelation. For three years Bermet from the orphanage "Shining Path" ready children's room with decorations dolls made of felt, Azamat had surgery to correct cleft lip and Nargiza regularly send a box of gifts on her birthday. Kids still do not understand that in faraway America are waiting for adoptive parents, and the feverish political change in their home countries and the reluctance of politicians to quickly address the fate of the weakest set aside their right to a normal childhood.
Azamat mother Gabrielle Shimkus said that she thinks about her son constantly. "I find it difficult at night when I know that Azamat halfway around the world just waking up and no one would have loved it, pressed it to himself, would have fed him breakfast and spent time with him. But the day I feel better because I know he's asleep at this time and no it did not bother "- says she is.
To ensure that children finally went to the adoptive parents the government of Kyrgyzstan must conclude the review process of the law amending the Family Code that would allow Kyrgyzstan to monitor foster children abroad. Waiting families have complained that 2.5 years the Kyrgyz side is constantly delayed the resumption of the adoption process. They also criticize the U.S. government, which, in their opinion, could do more to advance the process.
Some fellow asked me what moves the adoptive families do not give up and wait for the kids so much time. For families, the question seems odd, but they provide an answer like this: "We promised the child that he will grow up in our family. I do not find me rest until he fulfill his promise to the child. "
On the day the child protection would like to focus public attention on the idea that any state should strive to fully get rid of children's homes and construction of all social orphans in families. Orphanage should be considered by us as institutions, "the social nature reserves, which are incomparable with the upbringing of children in the family. Even the orphanage is not secured then overrides a loving, even if not rich, his family.
I do not propose a panacea solution to the problem - at this stage it would be naive. But I think that today there is an urgent need to raise the question about the essence of children's homes in our society, about why we, despite all the shortcomings from the orphanage system, doing nothing to reform. Start small - with the destruction of some stereotypes about orphanages, as well as around the international adoptions and adoptions in general. Everything in order...
An orphanage in our society
Relaxed attitude of the public to the existence of orphanages - one of the most persistent legacies inherited from the Soviet authorities. Orphanage became urgent necessity after Stalin's sweeps the 1930's and during the Second World War. In the interest of the ideology of the USSR brought a number of famous orphans - the leaders, artists, and demonstrations of workers. Largely because of such positive stories of orphans loved society, they were considered children of heroes. Around the orphanage formed a romantic image that continues to exist today. But today few people know that in the interests of the Soviet regime was to show that the new society created a new generation of heroes. At the same time concealed the negative aspects of living in orphanages: one with accuracy can not say how many orphans were actually able to find themselves in life - a family, raise their children, and do what he likes.
Romanticism, formed around the orphans remained, despite the fact that the situation in the care of orphans is rapidly changed in 1970 and 80-ies. When the orphanage kids started coming, "the lower classes, mostly alcoholics, women who become pregnant against their will, and children born with obvious disabilities. The situation has deteriorated with the collapse of the Soviet Union. Conditions in children's homes have changed dramatically - the salary of workers has fallen, and the kids stopped getting the old subsidies and state guarantees.
The reality is that today's children's home are more like human warehouses in which serve only some of the physical needs of children, a not their emotional needs. Children change their diapers, wash them, hand out toys and food. Nurses, who work for little pay, really try to do everything possible to ensure that the children were fine.
But be that as staff did not help to abandoned children, they lack the warmth and attention to family. No one shows them how to build a relationship based not no exchange service, but based on the emotional relationship between the caregiver and child.
No need to be a psychologist to understand that orphans by definition can not add an idea of what the sense of permanent attachment to the parents how to resolve family disputes that such an emotional independence, how to care for older and younger ... to help children grow in a certain "Social Reserve, where the execution 16 years they are released into the community despite the lack of skills, social and emotional communication.
It is because of our understanding about the benefits of such children's homes, the situation in Soviet times, is still generally accepted that some orphans who were unable to achieve anything in life, just the victims of failed alcoholic parents, and children's home creates all necessary conditions for full child development. Because of such views in society and among politicians dulled sense of urgency in every way to help the most vulnerable social group.
Instead, some people prefer to resort to common negative stereotypes about international adoptions. For example, that the adopted children of foreigners badly looked after children, they grow in the alien culture and may even become victims of transplant organs. Usually such arguments are without any evidence or granting organizations of international adoption the opportunity to express their opinions.
Stereotypes
All these stereotypes combine two common settings in our society. First, we consider the norm to raise children in orphanages instead of improving the system of adoption. And secondly, we are hard to imagine that adoptive parents can love their children by foreigners from another country as their own.
We consider each of these stereotypes separately:
Stereotype number 1: "Parents will scoff at the foster children" . Arguments about what over foster children being bullied, often used by those who adamantly opposed to international adoption. Often the reason for such views is the statistics on the Russian children.
Every case of child abuse are widely published in Russian media. In total since 1991 in the United States as a result of domestic violence killed 16 children. But during the same period, American families have adopted about 60,000 adopted children from Russia. Russian media has not paid enough attention to how many adopted children with disabilities not only have a chance to survive but to become productive members of society.
In Washington, there lives a boy from Russia, who was born without lower limbs. His American parents gave him a prosthesis. The boy now walks, lives an independent life. A girl in Irkutsk with deformed legs became five-time Paralympics athlete in swimming. And this is just the tip of the iceberg of such stories.
In Kyrgyzstan, unfortunately, these statistics are unavailable. We know from reports of "Youth Human Rights Group" that the number of orphans in Kyrgyzstan in 2007 was 20 750. No, and social statistics about what happens to graduates of children's homes, after they are released to float freely when they are 16 years old. The fate of graduates of Russian orphanages is composed as follows: 10 persons life be arranged only at one, four fall into the jail, four sopyutsya and one committed suicide. It has long been proven that in the U.S. abuse of children in foster care is much rarer than in "normal" families. This is because the adoption agency conducted a thorough screening of prospective adoptive parents. "Normal" families of such checks do not pass.
According to studies of "Youth Human Rights Group" Physical abuse is common in children's homes in Kyrgyzstan. Anna Kirei, a student at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, a few years ago was a volunteer at one of the orphanages in Bishkek. Anna tells how, during the day children walk, she saw that one of the girls took a snail in his mouth. Kirei asked her to spit out the snail. Instead, the girl sat down and covered her head with both hands. "She thought I was going to hit her for it" - says Kirei.
Often, children who spent the first five years of living in orphanages diagnosed reactive attachment disorder. A child or rushes all around, whether it be foster parents or strangers, or fail to develop an emotional attachment to anyone. But such cases are a minority. Basically adaptation goes smoothly, because foster families willing to all sorts of difficulties when adopting a child from another country. In the case of surprises they can always contact the adoption agency for help and advice.
Stereotype number 2: "Cultivating bodies". The Russian blogosphere is often flit article that the orphans had been adopted from the former Soviet countries, are used as organ donors. "On the black market in human organs the heart is 160 thousand dollars. The liver is 60 to 150 thousand. The pancreas is estimated at 45,000 dollars. Kidney - 10 thousand. Foreskin of a boy - of 20 000 green. For 5 years in the country disappeared 150,000 children "- writes the author of one of these blogs. Despite the fact that official sources, these data do not confirm the fear that children will use the bodies, deeply rooted in the view of the public in post mills. In Kyrgyzstan, these unsubstantiated arguments have become the main instrument among the opponents of international adoption.
It is important to note that the purchase and sale of human organs in the U.S. - is illegal. For organ transplantation requires the consent of the donor or his family in case of death of the donor. In addition, tissue and blood group of donor and recipient must be compatible, which is detected by sophisticated tests. Some patients wait decades before they find suitable organs. The fact that they will fall an adopted child, which is suitable for indicators for organ transplants are close to zero.
In general, cases of organ transplantation in children in the United States are extremely rare. Most children serve as bone marrow donors for leukemia treatment for someone in the family. Much more often, children are recipients of organs from adult donors. For example, in certain diseases of the biological parents can give a child a part of his liver.
Finally, do organ transplants underground in the U.S. simply is not profitable from a commercial point of view. That the cost of medicines and medical personnel ready to work illegally, paid off, you need to make every year hundreds of operations that would have cost to patients at least 20 000 dollars, it counts. Patients also need post-operative observation that after the illegal organ transplants they can not get from conventional doctors...
Stereotype number 3: "Orphans should be raised in a spirit of national culture". In Kyrgyzstan, the often heard opinion that, giving children for international adoption, the state deprives them of the opportunity to know their own culture and language. Sure, some children are adopted by foreigners are losing part of their native culture, leaving abroad. Children generally learn about their traditions of festivals and clubs, which they organize the adoptive parents.
Much depends on the family - some parents try to teach children their native language and culture. Other families pay less attention to such matters. Nevertheless, most families tell children about their native country, and even visit their native land.
Because children adopted from Kyrgyzstan, a little family in America have maintained close communication with each other. Most of these families became a member of The Kyrgyz Children's Future (The Future of Kyrgyz children). The organization carries out cultural activities, collects donor contributions for the orphanage in Kyrgyzstan and allows adoptive parents to maintain communication between them. A society without children's homes?
Someone might say that the background of general poverty in the country, hundreds of thousands of children live in villages, where hunger and child labor is part of everyday life. And the conditions for the upbringing of the younger generation sometimes worse than orphans. Do not dispute that our society is divided on the poor majority and the rich minority, and many families can not afford a thorough care. But the chances of the children's successful future is much higher in the conditions under which they are in a stable environment in the company even employed, but, nevertheless, loved people. These children, though poor, will have the opportunity to learn to love, care and compassion.
Why is it American families have been waiting for the abolition of the moratorium in Kyrgyzstan? The answer is simple: the U.S. leads the world in adoption of children from abroad - every year American families adopt up to 120,000 children, of whom more than 30,000 from other countries. For some Americans who have adopted children from the former Soviet Union, it was important to adopt a child from a country where children are just in children's homes rather than in foster care. Not surprisingly, these parents are the principle against the education of children in orphanages. In the U.S. there is no children's homes. American parents wishing to adopt infants, must stand in long queues.
In the early 1990's, American families adopt children mainly from Eastern Europe. In particular, Poland, Romania and the Baltic countries. However, as these economies develop, reduce the number of abandoned children and the increased number of local families willing to adopt. Today in these countries, foster care is almost completely replaced the orphanage.
Unfortunately, because of the sad experience of the moratorium Kyrgyzstan becomes unattractive country for international adoptions. More social orphans of our country will probably never be able to get a chance to grow in a circle of loving family members.
Politics and government of Kyrgyzstan must do everything possible to improve the system of international adoptions as long as there will not be debugged reliable system of internal adoption.
Defend the idea of children's homes today - it's like to assert that there are children deserving of love, and there are deserving children live in "the social nature reserves." Of these moral considerations Kyrgyzstan should strive to establish as soon as possible adoption at the national and international level.
http://expertkg. info/society/ in-kyrgyzstan/ 183.html
Author: Erica Marat
June 1, 2011
Children's souls in the "social nature reserves" in Kyrgyzstan Last weekend in a suburb of Washington was celebrated days of the Kyrgyz culture. Festival was organized by American families who have adopted children from Kyrgyzstan. Children from three to thirteen played in the Kyrgyz national games, eating traditional food and listen to performances of artists from Kyrgyzstan. Were on holiday and those American families who are already over 2.5 years can not bring their adopted children from Kyrgyzstan, because in February 2009 in the country was suspended international adoptions. During this time, out of 65 adopted children, two umerliot disease, and the rest significantly lagging behind their peers in the U.S.
I have met with some of the waiting families in the U.S.. Such affection and devotion to adopted children has become for me a revelation. For three years Bermet from the orphanage "Shining Path" ready children's room with decorations dolls made of felt, Azamat had surgery to correct cleft lip and Nargiza regularly send a box of gifts on her birthday. Kids still do not understand that in faraway America are waiting for adoptive parents, and the feverish political change in their home countries and the reluctance of politicians to quickly address the fate of the weakest set aside their right to a normal childhood.
Azamat mother Gabrielle Shimkus said that she thinks about her son constantly. "I find it difficult at night when I know that Azamat halfway around the world just waking up and no one would have loved it, pressed it to himself, would have fed him breakfast and spent time with him. But the day I feel better because I know he's asleep at this time and no it did not bother "- says she is.
To ensure that children finally went to the adoptive parents the government of Kyrgyzstan must conclude the review process of the law amending the Family Code that would allow Kyrgyzstan to monitor foster children abroad. Waiting families have complained that 2.5 years the Kyrgyz side is constantly delayed the resumption of the adoption process. They also criticize the U.S. government, which, in their opinion, could do more to advance the process.
Some fellow asked me what moves the adoptive families do not give up and wait for the kids so much time. For families, the question seems odd, but they provide an answer like this: "We promised the child that he will grow up in our family. I do not find me rest until he fulfill his promise to the child. "
On the day the child protection would like to focus public attention on the idea that any state should strive to fully get rid of children's homes and construction of all social orphans in families. Orphanage should be considered by us as institutions, "the social nature reserves, which are incomparable with the upbringing of children in the family. Even the orphanage is not secured then overrides a loving, even if not rich, his family.
I do not propose a panacea solution to the problem - at this stage it would be naive. But I think that today there is an urgent need to raise the question about the essence of children's homes in our society, about why we, despite all the shortcomings from the orphanage system, doing nothing to reform. Start small - with the destruction of some stereotypes about orphanages, as well as around the international adoptions and adoptions in general. Everything in order...
An orphanage in our society
Relaxed attitude of the public to the existence of orphanages - one of the most persistent legacies inherited from the Soviet authorities. Orphanage became urgent necessity after Stalin's sweeps the 1930's and during the Second World War. In the interest of the ideology of the USSR brought a number of famous orphans - the leaders, artists, and demonstrations of workers. Largely because of such positive stories of orphans loved society, they were considered children of heroes. Around the orphanage formed a romantic image that continues to exist today. But today few people know that in the interests of the Soviet regime was to show that the new society created a new generation of heroes. At the same time concealed the negative aspects of living in orphanages: one with accuracy can not say how many orphans were actually able to find themselves in life - a family, raise their children, and do what he likes.
Romanticism, formed around the orphans remained, despite the fact that the situation in the care of orphans is rapidly changed in 1970 and 80-ies. When the orphanage kids started coming, "the lower classes, mostly alcoholics, women who become pregnant against their will, and children born with obvious disabilities. The situation has deteriorated with the collapse of the Soviet Union. Conditions in children's homes have changed dramatically - the salary of workers has fallen, and the kids stopped getting the old subsidies and state guarantees.
The reality is that today's children's home are more like human warehouses in which serve only some of the physical needs of children, a not their emotional needs. Children change their diapers, wash them, hand out toys and food. Nurses, who work for little pay, really try to do everything possible to ensure that the children were fine.
But be that as staff did not help to abandoned children, they lack the warmth and attention to family. No one shows them how to build a relationship based not no exchange service, but based on the emotional relationship between the caregiver and child.
No need to be a psychologist to understand that orphans by definition can not add an idea of what the sense of permanent attachment to the parents how to resolve family disputes that such an emotional independence, how to care for older and younger ... to help children grow in a certain "Social Reserve, where the execution 16 years they are released into the community despite the lack of skills, social and emotional communication.
It is because of our understanding about the benefits of such children's homes, the situation in Soviet times, is still generally accepted that some orphans who were unable to achieve anything in life, just the victims of failed alcoholic parents, and children's home creates all necessary conditions for full child development. Because of such views in society and among politicians dulled sense of urgency in every way to help the most vulnerable social group.
Instead, some people prefer to resort to common negative stereotypes about international adoptions. For example, that the adopted children of foreigners badly looked after children, they grow in the alien culture and may even become victims of transplant organs. Usually such arguments are without any evidence or granting organizations of international adoption the opportunity to express their opinions.
Stereotypes
All these stereotypes combine two common settings in our society. First, we consider the norm to raise children in orphanages instead of improving the system of adoption. And secondly, we are hard to imagine that adoptive parents can love their children by foreigners from another country as their own.
We consider each of these stereotypes separately:
Stereotype number 1: "Parents will scoff at the foster children" . Arguments about what over foster children being bullied, often used by those who adamantly opposed to international adoption. Often the reason for such views is the statistics on the Russian children.
Every case of child abuse are widely published in Russian media. In total since 1991 in the United States as a result of domestic violence killed 16 children. But during the same period, American families have adopted about 60,000 adopted children from Russia. Russian media has not paid enough attention to how many adopted children with disabilities not only have a chance to survive but to become productive members of society.
In Washington, there lives a boy from Russia, who was born without lower limbs. His American parents gave him a prosthesis. The boy now walks, lives an independent life. A girl in Irkutsk with deformed legs became five-time Paralympics athlete in swimming. And this is just the tip of the iceberg of such stories.
In Kyrgyzstan, unfortunately, these statistics are unavailable. We know from reports of "Youth Human Rights Group" that the number of orphans in Kyrgyzstan in 2007 was 20 750. No, and social statistics about what happens to graduates of children's homes, after they are released to float freely when they are 16 years old. The fate of graduates of Russian orphanages is composed as follows: 10 persons life be arranged only at one, four fall into the jail, four sopyutsya and one committed suicide. It has long been proven that in the U.S. abuse of children in foster care is much rarer than in "normal" families. This is because the adoption agency conducted a thorough screening of prospective adoptive parents. "Normal" families of such checks do not pass.
According to studies of "Youth Human Rights Group" Physical abuse is common in children's homes in Kyrgyzstan. Anna Kirei, a student at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, a few years ago was a volunteer at one of the orphanages in Bishkek. Anna tells how, during the day children walk, she saw that one of the girls took a snail in his mouth. Kirei asked her to spit out the snail. Instead, the girl sat down and covered her head with both hands. "She thought I was going to hit her for it" - says Kirei.
Often, children who spent the first five years of living in orphanages diagnosed reactive attachment disorder. A child or rushes all around, whether it be foster parents or strangers, or fail to develop an emotional attachment to anyone. But such cases are a minority. Basically adaptation goes smoothly, because foster families willing to all sorts of difficulties when adopting a child from another country. In the case of surprises they can always contact the adoption agency for help and advice.
Stereotype number 2: "Cultivating bodies". The Russian blogosphere is often flit article that the orphans had been adopted from the former Soviet countries, are used as organ donors. "On the black market in human organs the heart is 160 thousand dollars. The liver is 60 to 150 thousand. The pancreas is estimated at 45,000 dollars. Kidney - 10 thousand. Foreskin of a boy - of 20 000 green. For 5 years in the country disappeared 150,000 children "- writes the author of one of these blogs. Despite the fact that official sources, these data do not confirm the fear that children will use the bodies, deeply rooted in the view of the public in post mills. In Kyrgyzstan, these unsubstantiated arguments have become the main instrument among the opponents of international adoption.
It is important to note that the purchase and sale of human organs in the U.S. - is illegal. For organ transplantation requires the consent of the donor or his family in case of death of the donor. In addition, tissue and blood group of donor and recipient must be compatible, which is detected by sophisticated tests. Some patients wait decades before they find suitable organs. The fact that they will fall an adopted child, which is suitable for indicators for organ transplants are close to zero.
In general, cases of organ transplantation in children in the United States are extremely rare. Most children serve as bone marrow donors for leukemia treatment for someone in the family. Much more often, children are recipients of organs from adult donors. For example, in certain diseases of the biological parents can give a child a part of his liver.
Finally, do organ transplants underground in the U.S. simply is not profitable from a commercial point of view. That the cost of medicines and medical personnel ready to work illegally, paid off, you need to make every year hundreds of operations that would have cost to patients at least 20 000 dollars, it counts. Patients also need post-operative observation that after the illegal organ transplants they can not get from conventional doctors...
Stereotype number 3: "Orphans should be raised in a spirit of national culture". In Kyrgyzstan, the often heard opinion that, giving children for international adoption, the state deprives them of the opportunity to know their own culture and language. Sure, some children are adopted by foreigners are losing part of their native culture, leaving abroad. Children generally learn about their traditions of festivals and clubs, which they organize the adoptive parents.
Much depends on the family - some parents try to teach children their native language and culture. Other families pay less attention to such matters. Nevertheless, most families tell children about their native country, and even visit their native land.
Because children adopted from Kyrgyzstan, a little family in America have maintained close communication with each other. Most of these families became a member of The Kyrgyz Children's Future (The Future of Kyrgyz children). The organization carries out cultural activities, collects donor contributions for the orphanage in Kyrgyzstan and allows adoptive parents to maintain communication between them. A society without children's homes?
Someone might say that the background of general poverty in the country, hundreds of thousands of children live in villages, where hunger and child labor is part of everyday life. And the conditions for the upbringing of the younger generation sometimes worse than orphans. Do not dispute that our society is divided on the poor majority and the rich minority, and many families can not afford a thorough care. But the chances of the children's successful future is much higher in the conditions under which they are in a stable environment in the company even employed, but, nevertheless, loved people. These children, though poor, will have the opportunity to learn to love, care and compassion.
Why is it American families have been waiting for the abolition of the moratorium in Kyrgyzstan? The answer is simple: the U.S. leads the world in adoption of children from abroad - every year American families adopt up to 120,000 children, of whom more than 30,000 from other countries. For some Americans who have adopted children from the former Soviet Union, it was important to adopt a child from a country where children are just in children's homes rather than in foster care. Not surprisingly, these parents are the principle against the education of children in orphanages. In the U.S. there is no children's homes. American parents wishing to adopt infants, must stand in long queues.
In the early 1990's, American families adopt children mainly from Eastern Europe. In particular, Poland, Romania and the Baltic countries. However, as these economies develop, reduce the number of abandoned children and the increased number of local families willing to adopt. Today in these countries, foster care is almost completely replaced the orphanage.
Unfortunately, because of the sad experience of the moratorium Kyrgyzstan becomes unattractive country for international adoptions. More social orphans of our country will probably never be able to get a chance to grow in a circle of loving family members.
Politics and government of Kyrgyzstan must do everything possible to improve the system of international adoptions as long as there will not be debugged reliable system of internal adoption.
Defend the idea of children's homes today - it's like to assert that there are children deserving of love, and there are deserving children live in "the social nature reserves." Of these moral considerations Kyrgyzstan should strive to establish as soon as possible adoption at the national and international level.
http://expertkg. info/society/ in-kyrgyzstan/ 183.html
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Face Lift
I have forgotten how to blog ...
Please bear (is that the right bear? bare?) with me as I try to get the hang of things again. It's been over a year since I've been on here. I really just haven't had the heart to write on here. For the past year nothing has really actually happened. The Kyrgyz 65 are still fighting, and advocating, and conferencing, we've even most recently retained an attorney to assist with our cases. But still nothing of any real importance has happened or moved our cases forward in Kyrgyzstan. A continues to grow, and we continue to watch from afar through limited pictures and most recently videos. A couple months ago we had the opportunity to Skype with him, and have been able to again since then. The first time was agonizing. He was scared to death, my eyes were filled with tears and I felt terrible because he was so scared, and my Ryan didn't know what to say. On the next call he had friends with him and we were able to watch him play and interact with the other kids. That was a treat. Up until that point I had not seen or heard him utter more than a word. I was beginning to wonder if he was always so shy and didn't speak much at all. I was relieved to see that he is as silly as any other 3 year old, and he has quite a bit to say - even if it's in Russian and I can't understand a lick of it!
Enjoy the long holiday weekend!
Please bear (is that the right bear? bare?) with me as I try to get the hang of things again. It's been over a year since I've been on here. I really just haven't had the heart to write on here. For the past year nothing has really actually happened. The Kyrgyz 65 are still fighting, and advocating, and conferencing, we've even most recently retained an attorney to assist with our cases. But still nothing of any real importance has happened or moved our cases forward in Kyrgyzstan. A continues to grow, and we continue to watch from afar through limited pictures and most recently videos. A couple months ago we had the opportunity to Skype with him, and have been able to again since then. The first time was agonizing. He was scared to death, my eyes were filled with tears and I felt terrible because he was so scared, and my Ryan didn't know what to say. On the next call he had friends with him and we were able to watch him play and interact with the other kids. That was a treat. Up until that point I had not seen or heard him utter more than a word. I was beginning to wonder if he was always so shy and didn't speak much at all. I was relieved to see that he is as silly as any other 3 year old, and he has quite a bit to say - even if it's in Russian and I can't understand a lick of it!
Enjoy the long holiday weekend!
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