This morning I woke up in a complete panic and crying so hard I could barely breathe.
I woke up longing to hold my son, Akyl. Panicking because I don't know where he is. If he's safe. If he's loved.
Grief is a funny thing.
Worrying about your children never goes away. Worrying about the child you aren't able to parent can sometimes be debilitating.
E and I are traveling, and so I woke up in a friend's spare bedroom, initially freaking out because it was unfamiliar. After I was able to catch my breath and roll over to find my hija lying next to me, I felt some relief.
I fully believe in the universe and that we are living the lives that were intended for us. But sometimes I absolutely HATE it. Why was our life intended to be filled with so much hurt and angst? Why was it designed so that we lose not one, but two sons?
Friday, April 19, 2019
Monday, January 21, 2019
Familiaversary
Familiaversary
2013-2019
Our beautiful baby girl has been home with us for SIX years. It feels like it was just yesterday. It also feels like she’s always been with us.
In years past we have spent this day celebrating, and doing fun things as a family. Maybe you saw the pictures on Facebook as we posted them, celebrating the day we became a family. We have always ended our night looking back at all of the pictures we took while in Ecuador. We still had work, and school and all of the after school activities, etc. but made extra effort to celebrate the day we met, and became a family of three.
We’ve talked about our Familiaversary for a couple of days. Emilia still refers to it as our EMILIAversary 😍
Unlike in years past, we don’t have any pictures to share for 2019. Today was the third day of a long weekend, due to MLK holiday. Today started with our 10 year old hija waking up on high alert, and pretty dysregulated. She was back asleep by 9:00 for a little morning nap (that doesn’t happen much around here).
There were lots of tears today.
Enough backtalk to last the rest of this year.
Disrespect towards us, and even a brief moment directed at one of our pups.
Really hard time focusing, following directions, staying on track and having good listening ears.
Meltdowns. Lots of meltdowns.
Today’s Familiaversary was also a traumaversary. It was a long, hard day.
But we spent the last few moments of the day, together, as a family. A family brought together by adoption and love. But our union as a family meant that there was a loss early in our baby girl’s life. This loss and grief will be with her forever. It will affect her, always. We are not perfect parents. We won’t always be at our best. But we will always love and support her. Through this, and every stage of her life.
Sunday, May 21, 2017
Funding Forever Families: Rebates & Referrals
It has been over a decade since we started our adoption journey. We have saved, budgeted and changed life habits on a regular basis over the years depending on our current situation. We have been in perpetual adoption processes for 90% of the time over the last decade. It's been one helluva ride. We have had far more lows than highs, but nevertheless we persist. Growing our family through adoption has always been our desire and what we felt like we were meant to do. Over the years we have questioned this, especially with the loss of both of the sons we tried to bring into our family forever.
But we remain passionate about the orphan crisis. I have worked over the years to help families fundraise via my doTERRA business. I love that I get to teach families about natural wellness and help to bring hope and healing into their homes AND offer a way to have a successful fundraiser by offering the same to their friends and families.
I have started to make a list of the free apps that we have used over the years. Some are just great to find amazing savings (cuz every lit bit counts!). Some offer rebates back on things you purchase, referral bonuses for sharing with friends, and some are just opportunities to enter sweepstakes, often including cold hard cash. These are definitely not going to make you rich, but when you're in the trenches of adoption, every penny counts. If you can save and/or earn a bit back on your regular shopping trips, it's worth it right??
Ebates has been relatively new to us, but so far we've been able to earn back more than $70 just shopping online for the stuff we normally shop for!
Referral bonus of $5 after qualified purchase, but right now, if you refer only TWO friends, you can be entered into a cruise AND get a bonus of $50. Click here to join: https://www.ebates.com/r/SJESAN3
Find your referral link and share!
Find your referral link and share!
Ibotta is a free shopping app that works at a ton of stores! I use this one every week, and love to double up at places like Target using the Cartwheel app! Periodically you can link to place like Groupon and get the big savings there + a percent back from Ibotta! Double dipping is my favorite!
You get $10 just for signing up. Referral bonus of $5 per share, but right now if you refer only TEN friends, you will earn $100! Click here to join: https://ibotta.com/r/iblwvaa
Find your referral link and share!
Groupon is a great app/website to get really awesome deals on stuff. This week I went on my eBates account and linked to Groupon so I double dipped and got super duper savings! Sometimes you can also link from Ibotta!
You earn $10 per referral once they have made their first purchase. Click here to join: https://www.groupon.com/visitor_referral/h/9149e288-3c10-4b51-840e-38abc1c02343
Find your referral link and share!
Shopkick is an app that gives you "kick" (points) just for walking into stores. Later you can redeem those "kicks" for Gift Cards!
You earn more kicks if you share your referral link, up to 25% of your friends kicks for their first 4 weeks! Click here to join: https://app.shopkick.com/r/2nWtsh
Find your referral link and share!
Receipt Hog is an app that you earn coins taking pictures of your receipts (shopping, gas, dining, etc.!)Redeem your coins for cash or gift cards! The more you spend on your receipt, the more you earn. You also earn one sweepstake entry for every receipt submitted!
Click here to join: https://appsto.re/us/YcjuF.i
MileUp is an app you install on your phone and it tracks how many miles you drive. Your miles earn points, and you can use the points to enter sweepstakes. Costs nothing, potential to win something big!
You can earn 500 points for every friend that signs up. Click here to join: http://b.mileup.ai/wUju/I3NOuoYN4C
Find your referral link and share!
Checkout 51 is another great app for grocery savings -- sometimes I can redeem on both Ibotta and Checkout 51! After your rebates equal $20, you can send to your PayPal!
Click here to join: https://appsto.re/us/sRwAI.i
So far, these are the only ones we use ... but what else is out there?? I'd love to hear from you all!
Monday, March 20, 2017
T K O
Lately I feel as if I keep getting my ass knocked to the ground. Over and over again.
And I gotta tell you, it's not a good feeling.
This transition, as exciting as it was for all of us, has been incredibly hard. Not to mention the devastating news of our adoption.
I felt all of this negativity coming on before the move ... and somehow failed to shake it.
Tomorrow is Akyl's birthday. Another hard day each year for us. We will celebrate his NINTH birthday. Crazy to think we started this Incredible Journey nearly a decade ago.
Ten years.
S's birthday is just around the corner in April.
It's like I'm caught in a riptide, fighting my way to the surface so that I can breathe.
I just want to breathe.
"Positive Thoughts Create Positive Results"
... but I have to live it.
I am the queen of letting negative thoughts take over.
I need to do a better job of self-care (what is that even?!?!).
Moms --- How do you take care of YOU? What is your best recommendation for self-care?
And I gotta tell you, it's not a good feeling.
This transition, as exciting as it was for all of us, has been incredibly hard. Not to mention the devastating news of our adoption.
I felt all of this negativity coming on before the move ... and somehow failed to shake it.
Tomorrow is Akyl's birthday. Another hard day each year for us. We will celebrate his NINTH birthday. Crazy to think we started this Incredible Journey nearly a decade ago.
Ten years.
S's birthday is just around the corner in April.
It's like I'm caught in a riptide, fighting my way to the surface so that I can breathe.
I just want to breathe.
"Positive Thoughts Create Positive Results"
... but I have to live it.
I am the queen of letting negative thoughts take over.
I need to do a better job of self-care (what is that even?!?!).
Moms --- How do you take care of YOU? What is your best recommendation for self-care?
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
Lightening Strikes .... Again
According to David J. Hand, author of The Improbability Principle, the odds of getting struck by lightening are 300,000 to one. And they say, getting struck twice is nearly impossible.
But I feel like it's happened to us. We've been struck by lightening. Twice.
Earlier this week we found out that the day after birth father went to the Embassy for a DNA test and final interview, that he returned to S's orphanage to take him.
We were literally on the final lap for approval to finally bring him home.
This news hit us like a ton of bricks. Having a failed adoption isn't new to us.
Losing a son ... isn't new to us.
But how? How could this happen again?? We have been FIGHTING so hard for nearly a decade to build our family and to offer a home to a parentless child.
We are good people, who try to do good things and help others in any way that we can.
Why do we deserve this heartbreak?
What's worse is having to tell Emilia that the Brother we have been fighting for will not be coming home.
She's confused. Angry.
"But we just did that long day for doctors."
"We did all those papers."
"Is it because he doesn't want me for his sister?"
Baby girl. You are perfect and precious. The system is flawed. Children deserve to be in families.
Losing him and losing Akyl makes me angry on so many levels. And I realize how selfish it might seem. My loss is nothing compared to the loss they had to endure.
OBVIOUSLY the best case scenario is for children to remain in their birth families. With their mom and dad! Obviously.
But for so many reasons, many children are left parentless. Many children waste away in orphanages with sub-par care. And even if they are in one of the "good" orphanages ... it's not a family. It's not a mom and dad. That life is unimaginable for most people. It is quite horrifying when you really know how they live.
Adoption does not happen without loss first.
It is our greatest hope that S's father returned to bring him home for all of the right reasons. What kills me is that he had to spend the last three years in an orphanage withOUT a family. Without a father.
The system is flawed. Why isn't someone helping dad find the means to keep his children and to take care of them properly?
This is a huge loss for us. And for Emilia.
At the same time, I can't even imagine how birth father must have been feeling. My heart was hurting for him knowing that he would have to take a DNA test and be interviewed one last time. We asked that they be sure he knew we loved S immensely and would do our very best to care for him and to love him. We asked that they be sure he knew that we were open to sharing updates about S, knowing that it would be heartbreaking for father to lose him.
I don't blame father. How can you blame a father for wanting to be able to take care of his son? You don't.
It doesn't make the hurt any less for us though. Our grief is indescribable. The sadness penetrates everything.
But I feel like it's happened to us. We've been struck by lightening. Twice.
Earlier this week we found out that the day after birth father went to the Embassy for a DNA test and final interview, that he returned to S's orphanage to take him.
We were literally on the final lap for approval to finally bring him home.
This news hit us like a ton of bricks. Having a failed adoption isn't new to us.
Losing a son ... isn't new to us.
But how? How could this happen again?? We have been FIGHTING so hard for nearly a decade to build our family and to offer a home to a parentless child.
We are good people, who try to do good things and help others in any way that we can.
Why do we deserve this heartbreak?
What's worse is having to tell Emilia that the Brother we have been fighting for will not be coming home.
She's confused. Angry.
"But we just did that long day for doctors."
"We did all those papers."
"Is it because he doesn't want me for his sister?"
Baby girl. You are perfect and precious. The system is flawed. Children deserve to be in families.
Losing him and losing Akyl makes me angry on so many levels. And I realize how selfish it might seem. My loss is nothing compared to the loss they had to endure.
OBVIOUSLY the best case scenario is for children to remain in their birth families. With their mom and dad! Obviously.
But for so many reasons, many children are left parentless. Many children waste away in orphanages with sub-par care. And even if they are in one of the "good" orphanages ... it's not a family. It's not a mom and dad. That life is unimaginable for most people. It is quite horrifying when you really know how they live.
Adoption does not happen without loss first.
It is our greatest hope that S's father returned to bring him home for all of the right reasons. What kills me is that he had to spend the last three years in an orphanage withOUT a family. Without a father.
The system is flawed. Why isn't someone helping dad find the means to keep his children and to take care of them properly?
This is a huge loss for us. And for Emilia.
At the same time, I can't even imagine how birth father must have been feeling. My heart was hurting for him knowing that he would have to take a DNA test and be interviewed one last time. We asked that they be sure he knew we loved S immensely and would do our very best to care for him and to love him. We asked that they be sure he knew that we were open to sharing updates about S, knowing that it would be heartbreaking for father to lose him.
I don't blame father. How can you blame a father for wanting to be able to take care of his son? You don't.
It doesn't make the hurt any less for us though. Our grief is indescribable. The sadness penetrates everything.
Monday, March 6, 2017
Bozeman to Atlanta
On Friday, January 20th, we started our 5 day trek to Roswell, GA! It was a beautiful blue sky sunny day in Bozeman when the movers showed up to start packing up the truck!
We embarked on our journey early evening once our house was packed up and we went through one last time and cleaned up the old place.
We had our valuables packed up in our little RV and the truck cab with the most important cargo: Emilia and the fur babies - Dora, Gipsi and Tiva!
#BZNtoATL
#Scheelscrosscountryadventure
It was also Emilia's last day at ED Elementary. She has grown so much over the last few years and we have made relationships that will last a lifetime! I didn't cry at all about the move ... the next chapter awaited us and we were excited for what was to come. But when I showed up to E's school, I completely lost it. The bell had rung, but all of her class stayed in the room and gave her a group hug. We have had such an amazing team of teachers and staff to help guide her over the years, and this year alone she has made incredible gains. We will miss everyone so much!
 |
| "Bye house, see you never." |
 |
| These sweeties were together until the last minute. We sure are going to miss our amazing neighbor/friends!! |
We only made it about 2 1/2 hours, but wanted to at least get on the road!
So. Many. Hours. On the road.
Burning off some energy!
 |
| Dora checking out the Ohio River |
 |
| Somewhere in Kentucky |
Montana ... Wyoming ... South Dakota ... Nebraska ... Iowa ... Missouri ... Illinois ... Kentucky ... Tennessee ... GEORGIA!!
 |
| We made it! |
 |
| Home Sweet Home |
#Scheelscrosscountryadventure
Sunday, March 5, 2017
You Slay Me, Universe
We're moving ...
Of course the hose to the ice machine is leaking, which causes damage on our floor.
Of course the kitchen sink is leaking.
Of course the lawnmower quit working.
But we are strong ... we will not fall victim to the "obstacles" you put in our way.
We are moving on to new adventures.
Of course the hose to the ice machine is leaking, which causes damage on our floor.
Of course the kitchen sink is leaking.
Of course the lawnmower quit working.
But we are strong ... we will not fall victim to the "obstacles" you put in our way.
We are moving on to new adventures.
#Scheelscrosscountryadventure
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Choose Love
Election hangover ... Whether or not your candidate won the election, the last couple of months have been extremely ugly.
My responsibility to be fulfilled and happy is totally on ME. I will not allow anything or anyone to take that power away from me.
We need to BE THE CHANGE.
Our responsibility is to keep doing our part. We still need to fight for what is right ... but not with hatred. We need to find our voice and work to make the difference that we seek. We need to continue to fight for injustice. We need to lead with compassion.
Love conquers all. Do not give into fear. Fear is not the answer. Fear is what got us to where we are.
My mantra during this season will continue to be "I am a kind steward of my thoughts and energy."
Be kind. Spread love and light.
O X O X O
My responsibility to be fulfilled and happy is totally on ME. I will not allow anything or anyone to take that power away from me.
We need to BE THE CHANGE.
Our responsibility is to keep doing our part. We still need to fight for what is right ... but not with hatred. We need to find our voice and work to make the difference that we seek. We need to continue to fight for injustice. We need to lead with compassion.
Love conquers all. Do not give into fear. Fear is not the answer. Fear is what got us to where we are.
My mantra during this season will continue to be "I am a kind steward of my thoughts and energy."
Be kind. Spread love and light.
O X O X O
Thursday, October 20, 2016
2016
It's 2016. And already 3/4 of the way through the year!
No real news yet about Little Brother. We are still fighting to be able to bring him home, but have seen zero movement.
But we will continue to fight. All children deserve families. Period. We will never stop fighting for that.
Life in Montana has continued to move at lightening speed. It's been far too long since our last update, so obviously we will give you a quick recap via photos!
If you don't already, please follow our adoption page on Facebook, we seem to be able to post a bit more regularly over there :)
No real news yet about Little Brother. We are still fighting to be able to bring him home, but have seen zero movement.
But we will continue to fight. All children deserve families. Period. We will never stop fighting for that.
Life in Montana has continued to move at lightening speed. It's been far too long since our last update, so obviously we will give you a quick recap via photos!
If you don't already, please follow our adoption page on Facebook, we seem to be able to post a bit more regularly over there :)
2015
 |
| E started FIRST grade! |
 |
| We're so lucky to have access to such beautiful adventures |
 |
| Killing it at her annual school run |
 | ||
Halloween is still our favorite!
|
 |
We are still enjoying skiing together as a family!
|
2016
 |
| Her fashion just continues to amaze me! |
 |
| She sure does love her garden! |
 |
| Cliff jumping in Glacier National Park |
 |
| Exploring Paradise Valley |
 |
| Soccer! |
 |
| Color Run! |
Thursday, June 2, 2016
Thirty-One Fundraisers
In early 2013 my husband and I completed an adoption from Ecuador and brought home our daughter, Emilia. This process was in the wake of a 4 year, failed adoption in Kyrgyzstan, and the loss of our sweet boy, Akyl.
Emilia's process took a year of paperwork, saving, working like cray-zy and fundraising. There are significant expenses associated with adoption that make it incredibly difficult for many families to adopt. We were one of those families!
One of the most successful fundraisers we had for Emilia's adoption was a Thirty-One Gifts party hosted by a fellow Adoptive Mom, and someone I am now blessed to call friend! Prior to that fundraiser, I had never heard of Thirty-One! I was excited about how well our fundraiser had gone and how popular those Thirty-One totes were. So when I started looking for ideas to help other families fundraise, Thirty-One was at the top of my list. After finding out it was a faith based company that was experiencing remarkable growth, I decided to join.
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Doing a Thirty-One fundraiser is FREE for the fundraising family. It is something that will interest others who aren't already in the adoption community. And it's something that gives those who want to support a fundraising family an avenue to do so (while shopping for some amazing products)!
Since starting my fundraisers in early 2013, I have been blessed to meet so many great families who are working diligently to bring their children home. I love the opportunity to get to know these amazing families and be part of the journey to their child. I've met some pretty amazing people!
All of the commission from each fundraiser will go directly to the fundraising family. If you are not in process to adopt, but know someone who is and would like to help, you can host a Thirty-One fundraiser for them!! The adopting family receives commission from the party, and YOU receive all the hostess credit and incentives!!
If you are in the midst of your adoption process and would be interested in hosting a Thirty-One Fundraiser, please contact me. I would be so honored to help your family!
Jes
scheeljes@yahoo.com
www.mythirtyone.com/scheel
Emilia's process took a year of paperwork, saving, working like cray-zy and fundraising. There are significant expenses associated with adoption that make it incredibly difficult for many families to adopt. We were one of those families!
One of the most successful fundraisers we had for Emilia's adoption was a Thirty-One Gifts party hosted by a fellow Adoptive Mom, and someone I am now blessed to call friend! Prior to that fundraiser, I had never heard of Thirty-One! I was excited about how well our fundraiser had gone and how popular those Thirty-One totes were. So when I started looking for ideas to help other families fundraise, Thirty-One was at the top of my list. After finding out it was a faith based company that was experiencing remarkable growth, I decided to join.
Doing a Thirty-One fundraiser is FREE for the fundraising family. It is something that will interest others who aren't already in the adoption community. And it's something that gives those who want to support a fundraising family an avenue to do so (while shopping for some amazing products)!
Since starting my fundraisers in early 2013, I have been blessed to meet so many great families who are working diligently to bring their children home. I love the opportunity to get to know these amazing families and be part of the journey to their child. I've met some pretty amazing people!
All of the commission from each fundraiser will go directly to the fundraising family. If you are not in process to adopt, but know someone who is and would like to help, you can host a Thirty-One fundraiser for them!! The adopting family receives commission from the party, and YOU receive all the hostess credit and incentives!!
If you are in the midst of your adoption process and would be interested in hosting a Thirty-One Fundraiser, please contact me. I would be so honored to help your family!
Jes
scheeljes@yahoo.com
www.mythirtyone.com/scheel
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